Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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