My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
