I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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