I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
