She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
