I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
