I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
