It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
