Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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