so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
