im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
