You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
