I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
