i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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