i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
