Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
