i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Dick very happy bro
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
