Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
