C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
