Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
