Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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