some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
