I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
