Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
