i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
