Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
