I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
