I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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