why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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