Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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