Ambien. No doubt about it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drunk is not a location!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
