I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
