Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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