My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
