Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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