Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
