Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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