He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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