bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
