just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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