i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Two words: blizzard sex
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
