Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
either way he was missing a nipple.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
