This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
