i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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