I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
