xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
