OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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