Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
