there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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