Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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